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Learning Excel for Fun and Profit

March 22nd, 2012 at 12:41 am

I use lots of Excel for my Schadenfreude list, but the problem with autodidact learning is lack of structured curriculum. I have been using Excel Formulas and Functions for Dummies, working on my first, second and third mortgages -- not concurrent! do not fret! -- and found:
if I kept my first mortgage, I would be paying $388.50 in principal a week from now, with 16.78 years left.
if I kept my second mortgage I would be paying $653.37 in principal a week from now, with 11.44 years left.
I'm paying only $24.23 more than $653.37 in principal, but $141.19 less in interest. With the first mortgage $792.87 would have been paid in interest. I would still be using the Itemized Deductions Schedule on my 1040.

I have overspent for this payperiod, and yet oversaved as well. On the Payday it all works out: surplus is allocated to money market account, and VISA card.

Now that My HELOC Balance is $300 away from what it was in June 2011 before I borrowed for the roof, I am slowing my contributions to $163+/month, and putting 5% of our income toward noise-cancelling ear buds and home improvement/maintenance.

Who's Weak This Week: Zsa Zsa is trending but not for reasons the Dirtnap for Dollars crew would salivate at; Robin Gibb will likely live to see the centennial of the Titanic's sinking (he composed a requiem and is making public appearances). I have been spoiled this year by a score each month: numerically that rate is impossible to sustain. I passed up Andy Williams for Larry Hagman, strictly based on age, and here's Andy in a wheelchair, and Larry doing television. I like Andy Williams too, I had such a crush on him when up until I was five. He voice-dubbed Lauren Bacall! How cool is that? You know what would be cool? If he sang a recording of his own eulogy, and Lauren Bacall addressed the mourners, lipsynching the eulogy. Or vice versa, only I hope Ms. Bacall stays with us a long time.

A tip for those who want to play in 2013: Morley Safer, Steven Adler, William "Refrigerator" Perry, and Tony Iommi.

2 Responses to “Learning Excel for Fun and Profit”

  1. baselle Says:

    I had Lauren Bacall last year. So much for my predictions. I do think that picking from the world of sport is pretty cagey - its a rare 90 yr old athlete. Next year. Morley is still out there broadcasting; I had Mike Wallace last year. Right now I'm cheering up my trainer - on my advice he picked Hugo Chavez and Nelson Mandela ... both looking pretty ripe.

  2. PauletteGoddard Says:

    I have to say Mr. Chavez was high on my alternate list. Mr. Mandela would not be, not in a game where age of the decedent counts. Zsa Zsa's on my list strictly due to game theory principles: if I didn't pick her, she for sure would have died. Maybe someone else on the list has the same kind of luck or thinking I do.

    Annette Funicello was on the Globe tabloid's "Sad Last Days" two-four years ago. Like Loretta Lynn. I should do a "You Just Keep Me Hangin' On" list for lulz next year.

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