I have PostPoverty Stress Disorder.
I had a "math crash" figuring out the bill at a restaurant, which made my friend snappish and belligerent (I also didn't join her in a cocktail either). Sometimes all it takes is to ride in someone's BMW, or hear about a vacation, or how my kid's peers are being sent to private schools, and I fall prey to the sin of covetousness. 'Cause my friends have no kids, and parents who actually owned property and had assets. They can relax.
For instance: For the past nine years I have wanted to go to Hawaii for winter. It burned to hear other mothers talk about their upcoming Hawaii vacations.
I talked to my spouse and he told me for many years he had to stay home while his friends and classmates flew to Disney World or Disneyland. Our plus-kid trips are typically to see my spouse's parents, or they are drives to Vancouver BC or Portland OR. We reminisced about the trips we took nine years ago when our rent was $600, our salaries were half of what they are now. Our net worth was $9000 when we took those trips, tops. Mortgage, sans real estate tax and insurance, is twice the rent. Our net worth, $440,000. The lads went to visit my in-laws, who do not live in Palm Springs or Waikiki. They're temporarily infirm, so their getting over here is not feasible at this time.
The sad thing: our kid actually has it pretty swell compared to what we had at his age. Both our sets of parents were still renting. He hasn't moved three times like my family did. He has a college fund. We don't eat marshmallow fluff for three days because that's the only thing in the house. A BIG trip for us was to a city 150 miles away. He even has a set of parents who like each other and don't have a dysfunctional relationship. Dammit, why isn't this enough for me?
Instead of hearing from my aunts how their daughters are getting ahead "upgrading their spouses" and relying on the spouses to bring home the big bucks and making me feel like a dumbass for earning my own money and not relying as much on my husband, instead of reading "maybe cut your cell phone or get rid of your cats" for budget recommendations I just want to read that yes, the first five years of parenting a child are costlier than normal, there's light at the end of the tunnel. And to be reminded that our mortgage term is shorter than the terms of other families, so we're building equity faster. And it'd help if someone would virtually pat my hand and say "oh sure, putting in 10% with an employer match in your 401(k) and budgeting to fit in Roth IRA maximum contributions will pay off in the long run, more than sweet memories of sipping cocktails on a beachfront deck watching the sun set over the Pacific when you're in your 30s, and come to think of it, going from $9K to $440K in nine years isn't the crappiest thing ever."
Gotta Find a More Relevant Peer Group
February 23rd, 2007 at 03:31 pm
February 23rd, 2007 at 03:44 pm 1172245464
Chin up, you're making the right moves, it does take a bit of time for the snap back affect/effect? (I can never remember which) to occur.
I'm proud of you and here's a hand pat from me!! }}}PAT{{{
Probably not enough when the green meanies sneak up on you, but still you got one somebody in your corner!!
February 23rd, 2007 at 04:33 pm 1172248422
February 23rd, 2007 at 04:56 pm 1172249773
When I was given the opportunity to take an early retirement, I jumped at it...rented out my house, moved to the desert, bought another house,got a p/t job I actually like and pat myself on the back for all of the years of planning.
You ARE making all the right moves. There will come a day when you'll look back and see all the party goers struggeling to make ends meet. You, on the other hand will be waving goodbye to them from the top deck of the QE2.
February 23rd, 2007 at 05:02 pm 1172250134
February 23rd, 2007 at 05:07 pm 1172250476
February 23rd, 2007 at 07:22 pm 1172258576
If you really want the sort of reality check to put it all in perspective, go to your 20th or 25th high school reunion. Be floored at how many of your peers are divorced, unhappy, in debt, struggling, living back at home with parents, embroiled in custody battles, bitter. Need I go on? That was a real eye-opener for me!
Honey, you got it good!
February 23rd, 2007 at 07:29 pm 1172258960
My perspective was corrected when I went to my home country recently: people with children not yet school-age, with mortgages, feeling crunched. I feel like (and am) an average Canadian. We're patting ourselves on the back because we have real estate to call home and are supportive of our group's attempts to raise children in a HCOL environment. These people are my people. Instead, because of where I live and work, I end up seeing people who aren't, shall we say, entirely representative of the average American (even I know the Average American doesn't afford nannies, equestrian events, McMansions, luxury vehicles, hedge funds, trips to Italy and Hawaii).
February 23rd, 2007 at 07:46 pm 1172259968
Ouch. In that case, I guess I was obsolete.
I think you're doing very well, and especially considering that you're not keeping up with the Joneses only means that you're doing even better than they appear to be on the surface.
February 23rd, 2007 at 08:54 pm 1172264078
February 23rd, 2007 at 11:32 pm 1172273520
Personally, if you pick the right guy to begin with, that's all that matters. I wouldn't trade my wonderful husband for 1000 Hawaii vacations. Yes, I'd love to go to Hawaii whenever I felt like it or take a cruise on the newest ship, but I'd much rather have the relationship I have with my husband who is my best friend, the light of my life, and the most amazing man I've ever met and loves me no matter what, even when I'm being a right nutter. LOL
Focus on the good and the rest will take care of itself.
February 25th, 2007 at 05:54 am 1172382849
The BMW is leased, the private school only makes the kids brittle, bratty and acquisitive, their spouse is thinking of upgrading, and their last vacation plane flight found them spending 10 hrs on a tarmac near the overflowing toilet. But will they mention any of that? Nah, details.
Its okay to have feelings of covetousness. Heck, I'm feeling covetous about your 440K net worth! But the fun part is turning it on its ear with a sense of humor...which costs no money yet can't be bought.
February 25th, 2007 at 06:01 am 1172383311
February 25th, 2007 at 12:56 pm 1172408214