I have to get this off my chest. Perhaps in an hour I'll think "I have to get this off savingadvice.com" but here goes.
(no foul language, no porn, no politics, no religion/atheism)
I am in both a real-life and an online debt support group. When I got out of my consumer debt, as a result of the positive strokes and encouragement from the real-life group, I was invited to stick around as an example of how someone free of consumer debt would build her net worth. When I got out of my consumer debt on the online group, I was invited to stick around and record my mortgage progress, although I have 16 years to go before it is paid off.
The problem is that in a small face-to-face group, people are more careful of what they say than in a large, semi-anonymous group. I had been online long enough to see what the obvious button-pushing posts were, and yet I foolishly let my button be pushed (by people who think they hit a home run when they were born on third base and married someone who earns 5x what they did, or have parents who GAVE them houses to live in and act like it's a big accomplishment on their part).
And somehow, avoiding the obvious button-pushing (picking on single parents, kicking people who are in a debt hole) isn't enough. Repeatedly rooting for people who make big strides in their debt isn't enough. Sharing stories of anger and anxiety about the accumulated debt: not good enough for some people. Somehow one has to imagine out there in Internetland there's going to be someone who will take my impersonal and general words and stab themselves in the heart and say "oh look what you did to me you heartless brute. How could you make such POINTED insults with your impersonal general words. This is clearly your fault."
And if I share the mistakes and drawbacks I had: being a SAHM for a year-and-a-half, getting involved in IPOs, overestimating my abilities as an investor and to ferret the truth from analysts' statements, skipping a year's retirement contributions, or starting out with $140 and a $15/hour job waiting for me after years of irregular temping, I'm supposedly superior? Because admitting mistakes and sharing potholes is a sign of superiority?
I tell you I am too stupid for this culture.
I feel I'm on some cracked-up mountain where the people down at the bottom, where I was, are throwing stones and mocking me, not willing to consider I was down there too, starting out a long debt journey with no "rapid-ski-lift", and yet there are people who eagerly follow Paris Hilton's paparazzi parade. I don't get it. It's not a country where building yourself up or improving your standard of living without inheritances or stock options counts for anything anymore. You either stay at the bottom and be victimized by institutionalized corruption or you get out of it somehow and deal with people trying to tear you down. Because it's so intimidating to others that you're orphaned and outside the system and have to rely on yourself and not grandpa's billions or hubby's executive salary?
Puling Pouty Post (Probably evaporative)
June 28th, 2007 at 06:15 pm
June 28th, 2007 at 06:31 pm
I've always thought that this is a great place to vent your angst. The community is very supportive, and I don't think anyone judges another here.
I mean, you guys actually put up with me.
June 28th, 2007 at 07:15 pm
June 28th, 2007 at 09:25 pm
There's always going to be someone who takes everything to heart in a negative manner no matter what is said. For example you can say to someone they look beautiful today and they'll say, so normally I'm ugly. You know what you intended and if they choose to take it the wrong way, well that's their misery to live in. They take great joy in miscontruing everything they can.
You just have to get to a point where you don't care what other people think and their validation of your beliefs is unimportant. Of course, you still want to care what your spouse thinks, but other than that, let it slide off you. Not so easy but it does come, that learning to let go because in the long run, none of it really matters. Living how you believe is what matters and you do that.
Having said that, my opinion is you have a very refreshing, no-nonsense, slightly but appropriately sarcastic attitude in your writing that I enjoy very much. Other people might interpret that style differently than I do. Some people can't handle any kind of sarcasm and some people can't handle the straight-forward truth and that is probably what you ran up against if I had to guess.
June 28th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
June 29th, 2007 at 05:20 am
June 29th, 2007 at 07:19 am
June 29th, 2007 at 07:26 am
June 29th, 2007 at 09:02 am
Shrug it off, and don't frequent that group if they can't be supportive.
June 29th, 2007 at 09:22 am
It's just... weird... out there. IT is frustrating to me because so much of what I Was raised is you can make it with hard work and time. But it is frustrating no one these days really wants to even give it a try. They rather sit back and wait for the easy way. The truth is they will have a LONG wait... You almost have to feel sorry for them.
June 29th, 2007 at 09:22 am