I spent most of the week being gutted, despite the beautiful weather. I have a recurring dream, which is actually as common as the rotting teeth dream or showing up to class for exams despite never having attended lectures or seminars, of my dead mother having faked her death, and then coming back many years later, only to tell us she is dying for real. It's funny only if you hated your mother, or completely got over the grieving process. I am none of the above. Also gutted by the slap of modern-day apartment/house rentals' "pet rents" (deposits I understand, but $100-$200/month/cat? GMAFB.) which is not affordable on one salary.
So I smarten up and go back to work, maybe work a whole bunch of jobs when the house is cleaned up and decluttered, so I don't feel trapped by some idjit's untrained loud animal; or I refinance, take $$ out of the mortgage, and go buy an effin' house.
I have a nine-dimensional inner life, it seems. I only find out how crazy things are in there when I attempt to talk them out with my soulmate.
In-laws gave me $150 for birthday. I want to use the money wisely, but already it is trickling from the wallet for coffees and gifts for my sister-in-law. It bugs me that I feel I am no good for anybody, and that's probably the root of why I dream my mom faked her death to spend time with her third husband instead without having to be a parent, and this affects how I spend my days. I want the $$ to be divided by "this is a sign that I accept myself completely as I am" and "this is a sign that I am willing to make my life better" expenditures. Does that make sense?
I gave up YNAB for no reason other than being at the low ebb of vitality.
In Jeopardy! news, I met someone who'd been on the show and actually won a game. I sought her out, she was very accommodating and cheerful. Still don't know that I'll be called, but better I know this stuff and maybe get chosen for a trivia team at bars, than blank out on "College Team Nicknames" and "Organic Chemistry" and "NBA Retired Jerseys" on national television.
Also, have experimented with baking soda, honey, almond oil, and essential oils for cleaning the face. My Target-braned reasonable facsimile of Cetaphil is empty, and I am between the ages of when my aunt and my mom got cancer, so am avoiding parabens. I read that the above-mentioned concoction would cost about $15/year. Darn cheap!
April 26th, 2013 at 02:29 pm 1366986581
Ha, love the nine-dimensional inner life! You're singing my song today as I perpetuate my own fantasy life of what I *want* do rather, rather than what I *should* do (which happens to be bringing peace and order to my chaotic home - and all because I'm having houseguests this weekend). Have a good day.